Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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