Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
