i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
