I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
