And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
