So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
