Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
