i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
