remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
