I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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