the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
