My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
