I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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