the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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