You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
