I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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