Will you blow on my dice?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
