No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
