it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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