So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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