dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
