I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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