why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
