My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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