I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i came on her dog
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
