so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
