I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
