20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
