Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
