Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
