Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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