He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
