I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
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I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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