also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
