i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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