I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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