I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
