I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
