You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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