chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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