My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
