we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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