How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize