it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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