I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need a burrito and a hug.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
