And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
