Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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