whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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