it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
