I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
