Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I could make wine with my vomit
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
