you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
