i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
