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I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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