Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
