he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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