go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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