went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
