then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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