Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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