I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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