i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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