You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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