How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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