The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
