Cold hands, warm shart.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
