let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
