Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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