We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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