My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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