i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
