nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
