The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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